It was a little hard to start writing this post. I didn’t know where to start or how to explain the way I was feeling. At the end, I just realized that I had to describe this like I was talking with a friend. And, duh. That was the whole point anyway. So writing “When Home Doesn’t Feel Like Home Anymore” it’s my way to pour my heart out in this blog and share my thoughts with all of you, just like I did with my quarter of life crisis post.
When home doesn’t feel like home anymore
Doesn’t it feel strange that, after years of living in the same place, things start not feeling like they used to? That the mere thought of leaving your hometown and spread your wings doesn’t scare you anymore? Or when you start thinking about starting your life away from your loved ones doesn’t make you sad anymore?
For me, those feelings started not so long ago. But everything started two years ago when I came back from my semester abroad in the US. After months of being alone and having a taste of independence, and living in another country with a different culture. Going back to old rules made me rethink my reality. It was also the moment where my quarter of life crisis started, as well as my international long-distance relationship. But everything went back to normal once school started again and I was following a routine that kept me busy and happy. Although, that thought never left my mind. I just decided to keep it at the back of my head. I wasn’t ready to address the issue yet.
During that time, there were moments where I would have loved to pack my bags and leave. But after an hour you would find me cuddling with my mom in her bed. Or making jokes with my dad about something dumb. Even the thought of leaving my sister and dog broke my heart. My head was all over the place.
I mean, how uncomfortable can it be that you don’t feel like you fit in your own house? Or that you feel like a foreigner in your country? Let me tell you. It was hard. And it made me really sad. I wasn’t ready to grow up yet. I was still a little girl who needed her parents to lead the way.
I felt like something was forcing me to say goodbye, not only to my family but friends too. Friends that I have known almost my whole life. Friends that have been with me in every new adventure and birthdays. And Friends that have been with me in the hard times too.
And the worst part… I was feeling like a stranger too. Was something wrong with me? How could I change so much in just six months? Honestly, everything was a question mark for me. But the answer was easy.
I was finding home in a new place, and people. Because a home is not just a physical place. It’s also where the heart is.Your home will always be the place for which you feel the deepest affection, no matter where you are. Click To Tweet
Being at peace with your feelings
Recently I came back from a trip where I spend almost a month away from Chile, my home, family, and friends. And not even after a week of being at home, the feeling of when home doesn’t feel like home anymore hit me hard. I just woke up one day and the realization struck me, bringing a sense of serenity. Because for the first time in my 23 years, I was ready to leave the nest. And without feeling guilty or sad. I was letting that scared little girl go.
I can’t say that when the moment comes, it won’t be sad. Or hard. I know that I will feel homesick at the new place I will be. Because even though is what I needed. Leaving the people I have known my whole life and that I love like crazy can be very heartbreaking.
At the end, I realized that me leaving my house, family or country. Doesn’t mean that I won’t care for them anymore. Or that they are going to be in a second place. It means that I’m choosing to be myself somewhere else. A place where I can fully develop and start a new chapter in my life.
That was the thing that was making me the saddest. But once you have the chance to hear your heart and mind. You understand that leaving home it’s not a bad thing. It’s just how life works. When home doesn’t feel like home anymore is a feeling you should take as an opportunity to grow. Also, it doesn’t mean you won’t see them anymore. It just might take a little more of effort.
In addition, I just wanted to clarify that here in South America things are a little bit different than in other countries. The moment where we start being independent it’s when we find a steady job, and sometimes not even that lets you leave your parents house. On average, people leave their parent’s house when they get married.
So tell me about your experience. Have you ever felt like that? Let me know in the comments!