Hi there, lovelies! Long and very personal post today. I wanted to share some of my thoughts and feelings about the new year and do a little bit of a reflection of the past few years (mostly since I started the blog).
2020 comes with high expectations. Not just because it’s a leap year or a new decade is starting, but because major changes are coming my way (hopefully! Still nothing confirmed).
My Quarter-Life Crisis
You know, I hate thinking about the future. After my quarter-life crisis, I promised myself that I would go with the flow and just keep swimming (big fan of Finding Nemo). Live one day at a time. Carpe Diem.
Those words would put my mind at ease. I needed them to keep going.
That sounds extremely cheesy, but I got so caught up in future expectations of myself and all the plans I had (and didn’t work out) that I mentally collapsed.
My life wasn’t working out like I wanted it to. That was a huge trigger for my anxiety. I was a planner and all my plans weren’t working out. I remember asking myself: ‘what the fuck is going on?’.
The Future Is Not Everything
I was confused and lost. For the first time in my life I didn’t have a plan B. Not even a plan A for that matter.
With time I learned to leave that behind. The future is not everything. We need to live in the present and be able to actually enjoy it.
Am I going to be financially stable this year? I don’t know. Am I finally closing the distance between my boyfriend and I? Well, I certainly hope so. Do I care? Of course! I just don’t think about it anymore. Or at least try not to.
Doubts are still part of my life. It’s hard to stop them, but I try my best. I have other things to think about. In the end, I know everything will be okay. I trust that.
Everything Will Be Okay
I have learned a lot about about manifesting and law of attraction in the process. It has helped me grow and live my life in a different way. I feel so much lighter and I worry less. It’s such a blessing.
- Related: How To Manifest With A Treasure Map
No matter what problems I’m dealing with, I know I will find a solution to it. I ask God for help and guidance. Most of the time, the answer find its way to me. Sounds crazy, but like I said, it’s all about trusting.
I’m working towards my goals without expecting anything. I work hard and take advantage of every opportunity that comes my way. I thank God (or the universe if you prefer) and move to the next task.
The Next Chapter
Like I said in the beginning, I have high expectations for 2020. Especially because it feels like my life is finally moving to the next chapter.
Lately, I had felt like everyone is moving forward and I’m stuck. It’s not a nice feeling. But again, I don’t want to bring pressure on me and bring unnecessary anxiety. Life is not a race and we all have different journeys.
So instead of thinking about all the things that can go wrong this year, I give thanks for all the blessings that are coming my way, and then I let go of all the toxic thoughts. Whatever happens… It will be okay.
We need to avoid those doubts. Why? Doubts hurt you. Doubts make us feel less about ourselves; and most importantly, doubts kill dreams, and I have big dreams.
Let Me Tell You A Story
When I just graduated college, I told myself I would give myself the whole summer to just relax and say goodbye to my years as a student. After all, there was no pressure on me.
When summer came to an end, I started to apply to different jobs related to my major (international business). For about three months I just heard crickets and I started to panic.
Is my email missing a letter? Did I write the correct phone number? I double checked and all the information was ok. The truth was that no one wanted me. No one wanted to give me an opportunity. Not even for an interview.
That broke my heart. I worked hard for a degree. I was bilingual. I had experience, but no one wanted or was interested in what I had to say. It was disheartening.
Change Of Path
Between all that I decided to start my blog. While I kept searching for a job, I needed to spend my free time on something else to distract myself and not feel like a failure.
The online world has been a big part of my life since around 2009 (when I started my first blog). Everything was different back then, but I wanted to try. I wanted to help people and let them know they weren’t alone with their struggles.
A year went by and I tried a different angle. By then I have been blogging for a year. I had social media knowledge. I loved creating content. Even more importantly: I had experience.
So I told myself to apply for social media positions and any other job related to that. My surprise? I started to get calls and emails for job interviews. I know
I was stunned. What was going on? I didn’t have a formal education and companies were giving me the time of day. The opportunity I so desperately wanted. It made no sense to me, but now I know why.
International business was never meant for me in the beginning.
You know that quote that says:
Rejection is God’s way of saying ‘Wrong direction.’
Life Is A Rollercoaster
18-year-old Melissa didn’t make the right choices, and years after, life lead (forced) me to a different path. One that I really love and enjoy.
All that pain from getting rejected wasn’t because I wasn’t good at what I got prepared for. It just wasn’t for me.
It’s hard to deal with the fact that you won’t have a career in something you spent time and money trying to learn. I’m not upset now. I’m grateful. I struggle in many ways, but my job isn’t part of that.
So my take from all my experiences is that we don’t have to be scared to make mistakes and that we shouldn’t put too much pressure in our expectations for certain things.
Yes, I want 2020 to be a perfect year. Yes, I want all my plans to work out. I will manifest my perfect year. I will visualize it. The thing here is that maybe 2020 won’t be perfect, and that’s okay.
The important thing here is that I know I will be blessed and I don’t doubt that. No matter how many times I stumble along the way.